(Image from Last Exit to Nowhere)
Hey there Otterites-
I know it isn’t Monday, but we’ve been so lax lately on getting blog posts up that I felt some guilt here and decided to post some bonus content for you. I have been thinking lately that you as readers and listeners don’t know much about Robert, Francis and me, so I thought I’d pour a glass of bourbon and give you a quick bio. Give you a little insight into my background and what has formed my outlook on the show.
I was brought up in the Saint Helen of the Blessed Shroud orphanage in Chicago. Pretty rough childhood. Curtis, the building caretaker, was really my only friend in those days, blowing the harp and singing Elmore James tunes for me down in the boiler room. The head of the orphanage, Sister Mary Stigmata, was a bit of a martinet, steeped in the dogma of the faith but largely bereft of its spirit and grace. Still, she tried to bring up us boys with a respect for others, and worked hard to keep the place open, even after the archdiocese wanted to sell the building to the board of education. Tough years, and certainly contributed mightily to my misanthropy.
Managed to work my way to good old Bellarmine, where I met Robert and Francis. And our friend the Stoic Emperor Marcus Aurelius. We’ve talked about those days at length on the show, so won’t belabor those stories. Plus need to save a few for the next time Marcus is on the show.
After Bellarmine I bounced around a little, went through a few “joe jobs” much like Robert and Francis. Eventually I became the owner of small but fast cargo vessel. I had a good first mate, a little cranky with people, but a great mechanic. The cargo was sometimes legit but ended up mostly being smuggled goods. I got into some trouble with a local crime lord who was displeased that I had to jettison a load overboard (even I got boarded sometimes) and he had guys out looking for me all over when I was approached by this kid and this old man who was a friend of the kid’s father to smuggle them out of the country. Well one thing led to another, and it turned into this crazy rescue mission for some lady politician who was involved in some rebellion of some kind, and well, let me just say it was a huge mess. They kept trying to convert me to some old religion that involved swords and reading people’s minds, and finally I just had to say to the kid “hey, ancient weapons and hokey religions are no match for a good pistol at your side.” I mean they just wouldn’t let it go. To this day, I do like having my 9mm at my side.
Anyway, after that mess I ended up meeting Mrs. Martin, and before long Ivar and Bjorn came along. I needed to find some steady work instead of playing anti-hero smuggler. I mean there were mouths to feed now. I ended up going into archaeology, both teaching and traveling around the world collecting rare artifacts. The university museum usually bought my pieces no questions asked. Had to be careful out there though. There was some pretty rough competition. The main guy who seemed to always be in a position to steal away my finds was this French archaeologist, a real douchebag. I mean this guy was so bad, if he got his face melted off, you’d be like, “serves you right dude, shouldn’t have opened that thing anyway.”
My archaeology career would eventually give way to a job in technology. I can’t talk much about my current job as it is with an important defense contractor, and we’ve got some serious artificial intelligence in the works. Let’s just say we plan to essentially put a net in the sky to defend the country. It will be tied in with all existing defense networks and of course our nuclear deterrent forces.
Along the way I developed a taste for bourbon, read a lot of books in my downtime, and kept in touch with Robert and Francis. Going on 38 years now. We always managed to be around for the birth of each other’s children, ate tons of Chinese food (shame the guys never got to go with me to Shanghai, Lao Che had some great take-out joints there), helped each other move numerous times (including moving Robert out of a third-floor apartment) and well just generally developed into the Brotherhood of Snakes & Otters. Quite a ride.
Stay with us Otterites, we’ve got a hoopajoob coming soon, along with 2 great episodes for the month of January. Or as we say in Studio M, would you like more gravy?
